Early morning phone calls seldom bring good news.
My phone woke me up at 6am today. My sister had been crying and in between sniffs and awkward silence, she was trying to tell me my grandmother just died.
I didn’t know how to react. The serious me inside decided to take over and just take it all in.I replied in my serious tone and said I’d handle things on my end here in Cebu. I need to make sure everything is fine at home and at work and fix our leaves and tickets back home. My brother will leave tomorrow. I’ll be stuck here while i try to figure out how I’ll tend to my work.
I was itching to go home but not like this.
I was never that close to my lola but, i did share a lot of good memories with her. What pains me more than hearing that she’s gone, is the obvious pain my family is going through. We have been battling all her problems and sickness together for more than a year now. She was the bond that tied us all together.
Reunions, get-togethers and other occasions were made special for her. Now, we’ll still have those but it wouldn’t be the same.
I’m not very good with phonecalls. I tried to go back to sleep after I informed my other sister and brother that lola is gone. They’ve been out of the country for years now. I finally gave in to my tears after hearing my sister cry and my brother trying hard not to let his voice betray him. I hate hearing the pain in their voices and the responsibility that i have to bear.
Death and the living. They have have a very complicated relationship.
Death is not always fearful, violent or sad. Sometimes it can bring peace and eternal rest. Death is the beautiful feeling that washes over the suffering telling them that soon, all their pain and burdens will be gone.
I’m happy that lola finally gets to rest after all that she’s been through. But it’s breaks my heart to see all the pain that we, who remain living, have to face.
The living fear death. Lives are greatly affected even by the thought of death.A part of the living die when they face a loved one’s death. Shock, denial and pain.
I wanted to write something for my grandmother but the words escape me. Instead, i’m letting everything that’s inside my mind and heart swell to the surface.
From ashes we rise but when our journey through this world ends, to ashes we eventually return.
Eternal rest grant unto you lola and may perpetual light shine upon you. May you rest in peace. Amen.